Short Commentary For Poem 3 .

The theme that you are exploring in the poem :

It is how the teacher marks the student's composition, and how angry the teacher got for the student's mistakes. The student eventually got a 'F9', and jumped off a building, 

How you developed the theme in your poem :

I put myself in the student's situation, and how she would feel. 

The effects that you would like to achieve in the poem to impact your readers and how you went about doing it :

I would like my readers to enjoy the poem, but in a short and sweet way. It must also be easy to understand. I made sure that i use simple English that is easy to understand. 

The extent to which you think you have been successful :

although i'm unable to use much of similes and metaphors, but I think that my poem is inspiring.

Poem 3 ; based on The Teacher from Catherine Lim's Little Ironies

The Teacher. 


Teachers are people whom we should thank,
As they are people who educate us, and provide us with knowledge.
They provide us with advises, from the experience of other students.
Yes, these are the many things teachers do for us.
But the only thing that they can't do is understand us.

Teachers don't understand me, and my life.
They don't understand how I feel.
All they care is about whether I pass or fail our tests.
They teach me, and try to navigate me out of problems.
I'm very happy, yes .
But the way of teaching is wrong.

What I wrote in my composition, is what i feel.
Its not out of point, because it really describes me and my father, who were strangers.
The grammar doesn't really matter, does it?
I tried, I really did, to improve on my punctuation, grammar and vocabulary mistakes.
But I failed, i don't know why I just cannot improve.
Can't the teacher see that i'm trying?

I cried at the eleventh floor, thinking about the 'F9' grade that the teacher gave me.
The feeling was indescribable, as I looked down from the eleventh floor.
The people from down there seemed to be laughing at me, for getting a 'F9'.
I cannot take it anymore.

Poem 2 ; Individual Poem

I am a construction worker.

Which stands as an invisible rank in the society.

It is a hard job.

I wake up at 4 a.m. in the morning everyday, with small and sleepy eyes.

I brush my teeth, then walk to the dining table to have my breakfast.

Having two pieces of break only, my stomach growled.

As I took the public bus to the construction site, I was being stared at with unfriendly gaze. 

That feeling hurts alot, but I can't complain to anyone. 

I have to feed my sick grandma, lying at home, waiting for her dinner every night.

From morning to night, 

Nailing, hammering, scrolling and dust, 

were things that I faced everyday.

The dust would make my eyes watery and puffy.

When work had ended, I would walk the path of an eerie street to takeaway for my grandma.

It was fish porridge, and she would not accept any other fish porridge from any other stalls.

She visited it every alternate night when she was well and healthy.

With a huge sigh, i kept my miseries deep inside, to myself and walked home.

Poem 1 ; Group Poem .

I work in the day and in the night
All I ever wished for was a stable life and a steady income to feed my family
But everyone ignored my existence and feelings

My cries were unheard, my feelings were unknown
I slogged like a bull but all I get is a little pay
I scrimp and save and tolerated those insults
What do I get in return? Nothing at all…

Life seemed so dull and meaningless
There's no aim in life
I’ve got no determination to move on
I’m looked upon as a pest that gets in others’ way
People never thought that without us nice furnished buildings would not exist

I don’t even have the time to take a break
I'm like a busy bee that's being “entertained” daily
By the time I reach home, it would have been midnight
After a nice shower, I go into bed for a so called good night sleep
But just four hours later and there I am getting ready for work again…

first post of this blog .
hurray . i'm going to use PROPER ENGLISH okay :D
not much to write about .
bye .